The Banquet

The Banquet

I had a hard time deciding where to post this. It's too long for just a status post, not really group oriented, so it landed here.

  I actually heard this on a sports radio program a few minutes ago and thought it was too fun NOT to spread.

  Imagine there is a banquet being held and you're the guest of honor. You're being asked to stand up and give a 15 minute speech. The guests, however, are only people you've had a sex with. Hypotheticals....

-what do you talk about? (if you haven't done it, 15 min is an eternity to stand up and talk in front of people)

-how many people attend?

-do you avoid eye contact with some?

-is there a Q&A?

-do you get nervous when you see people talking to each other?

-is there someone there you don't know?

-is there a toast or applause at the end? (Or silence??)

In the Sack (ADULT CONTENT)

Ok...the first of a few ADULTS ONLY postings. Therefore;
CAUTION; TRIGGER WARNING - depictions of bondage, holding captive, and suffocation. Do not read if you might be sensitive to these topics!

  He ripped long strips of the tshirt apart...

"You said you wanted to "get me in the sack"...I thought we were finished being mean!"

Hogtied...anxiety clearly taking over...

One tshirt strip is tied around her head, covering her eyes tightly.

"Please, just tell me! I apologized! Tell me what you want!"

Her panties stuffed in her mouth, another strip tied around her face to hold them in.

Muffled pleas going ignored...

"The sack..." he muttered to himself.

He slipped the clear plastic bag over her head and gathered the excess in his hand behind her head. 

She shook and wiggled violently.

He sat across her arm and straddled her body as she flapped about. Holding her jaw with his other hand he waited until she inhaled all of the available air left in the bag...and then placed his mouth over her panty-filled lips...

The Process

Process

Step 1:

Destroy. Demolish. Fracture. Dismantle. Burn. Torch. Melt. Annihilate. Exsanguish. Disembowel. Cleanse. Purge.

Step 2:

Sort. Examine. Study. Ponder. Question. Wonder. Reflect. Pontificate. Hypothesize. Learn.

Step 3:

Construct. Build. Carve. Polish. Refine. Practice. Assemble. Engineer. 

Repeat as needed.

Haikoos (I invented it)

  No, it's not misspelled. Haikus are 5-7-5. Haikoos are 5-7-7...it's a thing. An accidentally awesome thing.

-Tongues entwined in space

  Engaged in pursuit of depth

  Churning and probing for truth

-If I grab your waist

  Like a snare with bad intent

  Would you resist? Or give in?

-Sadism isn't bad

  It's all in your perspective

  Now shut up and bend over

-Will you taste my gun?

  Weapon of mass destruction

  Tastes like an apocalypse 

  

  

Naked

What is naked?

We've all been the obvious form of naked.  Without clothing.  Everyone can see you.  Skin exposed.

That's naked.  But is that all there is to it?

Everyone has skin.  Some skin is nicer than other skin, but for the most part, skin is skin.  What's deeper?  Is there naked under skin?

Muscle is under skin. Everyone has that, too.  What's deeper?  Is there naked under muscle?

Everyone has bones.  Everyone.  Is there naked under that?  What's deeper?

Naked can be ideas and thoughts.  Unguarded creativity.

What if I tell you my ideas and thoughts?  Am I naked then?

What if I tell you my feelings?  How I feel about me...how I feel about you...aren't I naked then?  Exposed.  Everyone can see.  YOU can see....

What if you laugh?  What if you don't understand?  What if you think less of me?

How naked do I choose to be?

Have you ever been truly naked?

Do you remove clothes to prevent being naked?

Gensis of an Idea

Oh hello.  Nice to meet you.

Do you have a moment?  Wont take long...

That space there...inside your mind...may I occupy it?

Its a small space, you'll never notice it.

Just for a few moments...that tiny, dark space...the one between 

the memory of what you ate for lunch and the naughty pic you just

looked at.

So inconsequential...may I? 

Truthfully, it may be longer than a few moments.  I might reside there.

You wont mind though, will you?  You wont even know I'm there.  

It's a small spot there...dark and cozy.  Right behind your eyes.

Honestly though, I might need some more space.  To crawl around...

explore a little.

You don't mind, do you?

What if I took this bigger space?  Would you notice?

The one between graduation and work today?  Thanks for that.

Oh don't mind me...I'll make myself at home.

I might take this space in addition.  You know, to make sure it's comfortable.

You're such a good host.  Always aiming to please...

Admittedly, I'm going to live here now...this place is mine.

I'll use it as I see fit.  It belongs to me now.  You won't mind.

It will bother you on occasion, but you'll get over it.  Or you won't.

This space is mine, and you can't have it back.

April Drivel

  I've thought about this for a couple of days now and couldn't think of anywhere else to write it down, so here we are.  

  You'd be 39 today. I don't think about me being old, but you being almost 40 makes me feel that way. And your kids! They're supposed to be little, like nieces and nephews should be. Your oldest is going to be in middle school next year! THAT makes me feel old! You'd be proud of both of them. They've adjusted really well and seem to be really happy with the new crew. It's loud at their house. Really loud. All the time. But not because anyone is starting a familial revolution. Just them being them. The step mom is pretty awesome. I think you'd like her. She changes hair color all the time, so you might be kindred spirits. 

  Grandad shot himself last week. You probably know that already, but just in case...

Seemed selfish. I cussed him for a few minutes. Then had to explain to my kids that I very well may have made the same decision given the circumstances. I didn't cry, like usual. Instead I cried a week later. Like usual. At least it wasn't the Miranda Lambert song. Stupid Modern Family did it. Mitch and Claire were telling their parents about good times growing up. There's another line in an earlier episode when they "miss being on the same team." I do, too. 

  Everybody has their own shit. Mine is certainly not any worse or different. Just needed to tell you that you're missed. Write back in the notebook of our famous quotes if you have a chance.

Learning from Bad Guys

  Let me begin by stating that this is the list of characters who influenced ME and my path to finding my inner boogey man. Not everyone's list will be the same, as well it shouldn't be. Honestly, not everyone has an inner bad guy. And while I accept that, I don't envy it. Those poor people will be the ones who collapse into the fetal position and weep when the world goes to shit. Anywho, here are the ones who helped me arrive at mine. 

  Tyler Durden --- Tyler taught me 1). The world is a giant pile of fake shit. To get to something real you have to take some lumps and quit worrying what others think.   2). The version of yourself you show the world isn't a particularly truthful one. 3). You determine your own level of involvement. Don't wait around and take the spoon fed memo version of what's happening.  4). Things evolve. Situations evolve. You better be willing to do the same.  

 

  Anton Chigurh --- 1). Sometimes saying little or nothing is most effective. 2). Be willing to do what the other guy won't. 3). You can't escape your fate. Accept it.  

  Dr. Hannibal Lecter --- 1). You can be charming and smart and still be completely terrifying. 2). Some people aren't worthy of your company. Don't waste your gifts on them.  3). God made us what we are

  Dexter --- 1). You can be a bad guy AND a good guy simultaneously. 2). How to try to fit in, regardless of what you're really thinking. 3). Guard your family. 

  Now in addition to all of them being psychopaths/sociopaths, they were all true to themselves and executed their beliefs wholeheartedly, no matter how disturbing. We should all strive to do the same. Practice makes perfect.